i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
