Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
