did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Panties = found
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
