just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
