closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
