Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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