Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
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She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
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My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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