I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
