You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
