At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
