Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
