girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just found puke in my bra..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
