WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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