I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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