I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
