he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
