My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
