I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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