I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
