so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
