My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Randomize
