Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
