i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
