Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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