I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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