hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
