yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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