I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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