We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
