I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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