You're my little dorito
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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