please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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