I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
so much tequila, so little girl.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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