gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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