'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
