i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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