If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
