Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
