thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
