We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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