Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
