All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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