So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
