listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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