If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
