The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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