Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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