We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
