This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
