i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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