Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
