Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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