Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
