Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
