You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
