I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
