if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
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You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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