you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
