I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
