and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
