i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
