I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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