While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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