do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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