Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
