I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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