a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
