Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
