I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
