I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This baby is an asshole
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
