I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
