My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
