I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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