I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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